Learning..

Today I want to discuss trust. What does trust mean to you? Sure, there is a definition buried somewhere in Webster’s Dictionary, but what does it really mean?
I’ve had “trust" issues my entire life, and I half-way know where they stem from, but in all curiosity I often wonder…what breaks someone’s trust…from everyone? I know that trust is an issue that I’ll battle for the rest of my life. I hope that one day I can fully trust someone. I have a handful of people that I consider my close friends, whom I think I can trust.
What can I do to better myself with my trust issue? Where can I learn to trust in myself and be a more confident woman and mother? Does it come with age or is it something learn to do? At what point can I say I fully trust someone? I hate having these horrible thoughts scramble through my mind, it’s torture. I’ve had a failed marriage, that I often wonder how much I can blame on my lack of trust. It’s ironic, because in the end, I was the one who couldn’t be trusted. This is one “challenge” I’ve set for myself, to become more trusting. It may be easier said than done, but I’m working on it.

Change

It has been sometime since I last blogged. I will admit, I have missed it a bit, I do enjoy writing. Life has changed dramatically. Some good, some bad. I’ve felt at times that my life has fallen apart, but I think in the long run, the decisions I’ve made will only make me stronger and happier. Those are my intentions anyhow.
Though some people may not think so, I am working on myself. I’m learning what it will take to make myself happier in general. I want to be a better person and most importantly be the best mother that I can be. I’ve learned what it’s like to be a single mother, and everyone is right, it’s hard and scary as hell. Not that I didn’t expect any of this to be easy, it’s just flat out scary sometimes to be alone. Again, I feel like this choice was best for me. I hope I’m right.
Music has been my saving grace the last 6 months, as always it picks me up during hard times. I can think back to all the hardest times of my life, and music has always lifted me. I’m grateful that have a passion so strongly for something that during my hardest times, it can bring all the broken pieces back together.
Through all the tears and heartache the hardest part of all of this has been the important people I’ve lost in my life. With a divorce there will always be people who won’t approve; Several people who I thought I’d always have in my life have just disappeared. Sadly enough, a handful of those people are family members. That’s what hurts the most, I don’t understand how people would rather two people live unhappily (for the children) than live apart and be happy. I’ve learned who I can trust and who I can’t. I’ve learned the importance of friendship and what it truly means. I’ve learned who loves me and who doesn’t. Now I’m learning how to love myself again.