Sunday, November 1, 2009

the old me

I often wonder, at what point in my life I morphed into the person I’ve become? I’m assuming I made my transition between high school and becoming a mother. It’s hard not to wonder what like would be life would be like had I not married and had children so young. I wouldn’t trade my children for the world, but I think it’s a rational feeling that everyone in some point in their life has. Am I right?

I see quirks in myself that 5 years ago I would have never dreamt I would have. I’ve become an over analytical, obsessive, moody mother. Thank you estrogen. Life seems so much simpler for men! Ugh! I look in the mirror and realize that I look like a tired, worn down mom who could give two shits how she looks. I don’t want to be that person, Even though I am in fact, a tired, worn down mom, I certainly don’t want it to show in my appearance. I’m too young.

So with that in mind, I have a goal. I want the body back that I had three babies ago. The process will suck ass majorly, but I can do it. I have no clue where to start. It’s hard to go from cramming chocolate down my throat when I’m having a “meltdown” to eating celery or cucumbers. I plan to take baby steps. I don’t like feeling like I can’t have something to eat, that’s why diets never work for me. I hate to exercise knowing I’m doing it to lose weight. I do however enjoy working out. I’ve neglected one sport that had once been a very important part of my life. Rock climbing used to be my favorite past time. It isn’t easy to make time for that sorta’ thing when diapers and breastfeeding TWO babies come first. The joys of being a mom. But I’m going to make an effort to make time for myself and work for the body that’s hiding it’s self from me at the current time. I can do this.